AM640 Mike Stafford

Vampires Vs. Zombies

Mike Stafford — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"New Moon" is the most talked about movie of the fall. Big deal. Vampires who've managed to convince their parents to pay for their wireless bills chase girls who've achieved puberty.

I've never liked vampires. I still don't. The entire vampire genre stinks of sexual hormones and slow speaking players with nice hair who just want to get laid. It's the "Entourage" of horror. And with the emergence of the teenage vampire nonsense like "New Moon" there's a stench of Axe body spray and dudes who shave their chests and other places. Rip the clothes off a vampire you've just killed and he'll probably have a shaved scrotum 'cause that's what the "Teen Vampire" blog said would be cool.

Vampires always had the glib dialogue like "I don't drink. Blood.". I don't mind a guy wanting to get all up with a lady but vampires in tuxedos who have to ...

Discover Canada

Mike Stafford — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:00:00 GMT

It's not a breath of fresh air; it's a hurricane of common sense.

It's called "Discover Canada" and it replaces "A Look At Canada". The government today released a 62 page guide to Canada for new future Canadians that replaces recycling tips with a real history of this country, including the bits that may make us uncomfortable.

I've been too uncomfortable hearing young Muslim men tell me that their women are gifts from God and should be treated like chocolate in the hot sun. They were born here. They should know better.

Only the Harper Conservatives could do this. Even though I've been concerned the Harperites were too willing to engage in the temple "we'll consult with the elders" nonsense that has hijacked ridings like Brampton-Springdale, this guide is startling in its language.

It actually uses a word like "barbaric" to describe honour killings. Imagine that. Same word used for ...

Pan I Am, Green Cash And Ham

Mike Stafford — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:00:00 GMT

If the 2015 Pan American Games are dispatched with the kind of organization seen at yesterday's bid announcement, it'll be screwed. Reporters caught the announcement on Omni 2 by mistake when it broke into the popular telenovella "Scorpions y Cigarellos".

You think that, maybe, one of the political bigwigs down in Mexico could have thumbed a Crackberry note to the bid party in Toronto that things were running ahead of schedule? David Miller's daughter, who's down Mexico way with dad to pick up a few tips on foreign influence peddling, probably tipped off half her Facebook friends before we found out.

Even with three of the worst politicians in Ontario history on hand, there was much to smile about. Hamilton will get a new CFL stadium. GO Transit is adding one train daily westbound from Union but it won't stop anywhere, it goes right to the Willowbrook Yard for repairs. ...

The Age Of Apocalypse

Mike Stafford — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 23:00:00 GMT

Back when the greatest generation was in its early 20's the providers of popular culture decided to release a torrent of films and television programs that depicted nuclear war. I think it had something to do with the rise to power of two great leaders: Reagan in the States and Thatcher in England. The chattering creative classes had decided that Ronald and Maggie were going to bring an end to the planet once and for all in the name of Western Capitalism and we would all, dancing as we were to New Romance music with Flock of Seagulls hair, be convinced that this was the end.

1983 and 1984 were the years when our televisions were filled with images of nuclear holocaust. Who started it? Didn't matter. Buildings burned like tinder and every bit of stock footage from 1950's U.S. military nuclear testing was pressed into the propaganda battle. Today's ...

Get A Grippe

Mike Stafford — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

Come April when flu season is as distant a memory as the first Leaf win of the season and Toronto prepares to pick another team to cheer through the playoffs, we'll be cringing at some of the response to the H1N1 crisis or, as I'll call it now, SARS 2.

This is getting ridiculous. The death of the 13 year old all-Canadian hockey player in Etobicoke seems to have kicked the cork out of the bottle. Now the papers are interviewing Jason Blake about the family's loss. And never mind the sudden need to list the B and C level NHL players who've been diagnosed. Now we need our sports reports to lead with the butcher's bill? How many times over the years have we been told a player didn't dress because of the flu? Get a grip. Or grippe.

Overheated parents have been overwhelming the Sick Kids ER this ...

Blinded Me With Non-Science

Mike Stafford — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 19:00:00 GMT

Nothing makes me happier than knowing that Suzanne Sommers and Jenny McCarthy are now the go-to people for the media when it comes to public health. Whether it's Suzanne's comments that Patrick Swayze didn't die from pancreatic cancer, he died from the treatment or McCarthy's insistence that her son's autism (which may not be part of the spectrum disorder) was caused by his diptheria vaccination.

I've been a fan of Playboy since I found my first copy hidden under some boxes in the basement (nice try, Dad) in 1968. I never thought that Hugh Hefner's monthly thrust through the puritanical American barrier that sex is bad would become the training ground for the New England Journal of Medicine.

Who needs a BSc, and MD and years of internship and residency when I can just flash my tits and hope that Adobe can dither the imperfections in Photoshop?

H1N1 mania will ...

A Good Cause

Mike Stafford — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 23:00:00 GMT

This isn't a blog about balloon boys or government hijinx it's about a good cause and how you can help.

The Ontario SPCA (yes, the animal cruelty and abuse fighters) is holding a major fundraiser this week. The OSPCA provides leadership across the province to promote animal welfare. I've contributed every year to a number of shelters and humane societies and this is a good, central way to get much needed funding to an organization that then reaches out to 50 SPCA Communities.

Last year there were almost 15,000 complaints investigated, several thousand orders issued, over a hundred charges laid and thousands of animals rescued.

If you can afford ten bucks or one hundred, the money is spent wisely and without waste. And its spent in communities for everything from population control to just keeping a dog comfortable in a shelter.

Again, I'm doing this because it's a cause I ...

Up Up And Away!

Mike Stafford — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:00:00 GMT

Glued today to the balloon coverage. Caught this one segment on CNN:

RICK: This is Rick Sanchez, CNN host of the Sanchez Report, with breaking news. We have live video of a helium balloon currently drifting through the skies of Colorado and reports say a tow-headed young boy is on-board. We believe the child is a mischievious little fella with a cow's lick and freckles around his nose. He's just darned adorable and therefore we have decided to take this coverage to 9/11 levels with dramatic music and colourful graphics.....

CNN: BALLOON OVER COLORADO.

RICK: Rick Sanchez again, we've got Air Force Retired General Tom Mara on the line, General, is there a chance this adorable little scamp may have designs on disrupting America's domestic peace or is this just a case of CNN, CBC, CP24, MSNBC, CTV NewsNet and The Game Show network following a deflating bag of mylar ...

Incredible Times And Nobody's Happy

Mike Stafford — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:00:00 GMT

Nobody is a privacy maven more than yours truly and I hate the CCTV's that have blanketed Britain and parts of Europe and all the live-action cameras that police now seem to use in place of ass-scratching and donut gulping.

But I love Google Street View.

I loved it when I booked a hotel in San Diego. I love it when I'm cruising Las Vegas Blvd and moving from nighttime to daylight in just a block. It's not perfect. But it puts me in the place.

I'm not checking out the children I want to snatch off the street for a couple of decades of dungeon fun or remembering what homes may be empty during the day for a little break and enter action.

When I was checking out Lord Roberts Public School last night having virtually "walked" the mile and a half from my old Kennedy Road apartment building ...

To Your Health

Mike Stafford — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

David Caplan's quitting as Health Minister and Smitherman, who sat in the fat chair longer, should be politically dead too. And darts and evil eyes to every other politican over the past twenty years in the Health Ministry seat.

One BILLION dollars.

Think of it. With all the controversy south of the border over adopting a universal user-pay health system like Canada's, how can anybody in this province who pays taxes ON TOP OF the McGuinty Health Tax accept the crap we've learned about consultants hiring consultants who work with other consultants just to get their billing topped up?

Who hasn't had a personal example, or a relative's experience or the family story of the nightmare that Ontario's 35 BILLION dollar a year health can be.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.

When you're buying your $100 hospital lottery tickets to buy fluids and machines and, maybe, human help in ...